Twelve Things About Writers

1. We mainline our drink of choice, whether that's Diet Coke or Earl Grey or Jim Beam.

2. When we were first introduced to math word problems, we felt a deep betrayal that has never gone away.

3. We congratulate ourselves for showering.

Well THERE'S fifteen minutes I'll never get back.

4. Also for making a salad instead of grabbing a handful of stale Cheetos and a stack of Oreos for lunch. Who am I kidding - that never happens.

Liar.

5. We notice when people say (or write) things like, "He can ride to the party with Gary and I." Our teeth may grind a bit, but we're used to this stuff. We're so used to it, in fact, that when we're writing, our brains reject (grammatically correct!) sentences like: "Come sit with Jill and me." Because people will think it's wrong, even though it's not. Instead, we type: "Come sit with us."

6. We believe caffeine is a food group.

7. Our characters are like strangers who grabbed us by the shirt front and insisted we listen to their story. And then repeat it back, word-for-word.

"I'm sure you're a really nice lady, but I'm more of a sci-fi writer...
I just don't see myself writing women's fict—OW-OW-OW okay then!"

8. We can be either introverted or extroverted. Whichever of those we are, we're the insecure type.

9. Yes, we were totally eavesdropping on your conversation. Sorry we're not sorry.

10. If you were a dick to us in junior high, you've been fictitiously killed off at least once, and it wasn't pretty.

Hope you enjoyed ridiculing my training bra in front of your jock friends in 7th grade, SALLY.

11. We get our best ideas when we can't write them down: in the shower, while driving, in the middle of the 5th grade winter orchestra concert, during communion...

12. We used to be more organized, we swear.